Memories

MISSY HIGGINS- THE SOUND OF WHITE

Like a freeze-dried rose, you will never be,

What you were, what you were to me in memory.

But if I listen to the dark,

You'll embrace me like a star,

Envelope me, envelope me...

If things get real for me down here,

Promise to take me to before you went away -

If only for a day.

If things get real for me down here,

Promise to take me back to the tune

We played before you went away.


And if I listen to, the sound of white,

Sometimes I hear your smile, and breathe your light.

Yeah if I listen to, the sound of white ..

You're my mystery. One mystery. My mystery. One mystery.


My silence solidifies,

Until that hollow void erases you,

Erases you so I can't feel at all.

But if I never feel again, at least that nothingness


Will end the painful dream, of you and me...

If things get real for me down here, promise to take me to

Before you went away, if only for a day.

If things get real for me down here, promise to take me back to

The tune we played before you went away.


And if I listen to, the sound of white

Sometimes I hear your smile, and breathe your light.

Yeah if I listen to, the sound of white

Sometimes I hear your smile, and breathe your light.


And if I listen to, the sound of white.


I knelt before some strangers face,

I'd never have the courage or belief to trust this place,

But I dropped my head, 'cos it felt like lead,

And I'm sure I felt your fingers through my hair...


And if I listen to, the sound of white sometimes

I hear your smile, and breathe your light.

Yeah if I listen to, the sound of white.

The sound of white,

The sound of white,

The sound of white.

I am in love with this song.
Its a bit sad but it is beautiful.
And the way she sings is heartwarming.

So the news as of now is-

Josh will be leaving for the national guard very soon.
He will be gone for 6 months : (
Juliet will be 1 next month!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh its already been a year
Sarah is out of the hospital and doing great. she seems so much better and so happy!

As for me, the one thing that I still know is that.. well I dont know.
I really dont know anything for sure right now.
Well of course I know that I love my family, and things like that.
But everything else is unknown at the moment
I try not to stress the little things.
Take life day by day and make it through the hard and get to the easy.
BUT I have thoughts that need to be shared.

I have been having the hardest time with Josh lately. He doesnt sleep in our bed anymore, he is always out on the couch. We dont talk very much. There is no more I love you or hugs or kisses.

This started a few weeks ago, with him staying out in the living room. Now its escalated to us barely even talking. It really breaks my heart, and makes me so sad. I love this boy so much. And i'm feeling like hes not even there anymore. It feels like i'm talking to a wall when and if I even talk to him.

Hes so cold to me and so quick to get angry. He said that he gets angry some times and he needs to deal with it. He told me that I just need to keep out of it. That really hurts my feelings too. Im his wife and we should be able to talk when either one of us has a issue. It feels like im living with someone that I dont even know.

And just to top things off we have been talking about the "D" word.
I said something about the "D" word and he showed no emotion what so ever. Acted like it didnt even faze him. I asked him if he was bored of me and he said "thats just the thing, i am bored" I was in shock at that point and then he added that he never has anything to do with his life and that me and him are 2 different people and that I may be happy just sitting next to him he is not happy just sitting next to me.

I have pride. I know that I shouldn't but I do. And I want to be treated the way i've always treated him. And shit like this does not fly with me. I'm not some abused person that cant leave her husband because shes to scared and blah blah blah. That's not me. I'm screaming on the inside ever day that i'm around him. Every day that he is so numb and so cold to me hurts, it hurts like hell. And I don't think that he knows that it is pushing me away. I will only be pushed so far before I leave. And as much as I am in love with him, I will leave.

I want to be loved and cared about.
I want to be that person that he can't live with out.
I need to be that person that he cant wait to come home to.
I want to be his best friend.
Someone that he is proud of.
Someone he treats with respect.
Someone that he loves.
That he is kind to.

Now now don't get me wrong. Josh is amazing. He is a great father and a very good friend to everyone he knows. Its just right now he needs to pick me. Before I go away too.

SECONDHAND SERENADE - HALF ALIVE

It's four AM, I'm waking up to your perfume

Don't get up, I'll get through on my own

I don't know if I'm home

Or if I lost the way into your room

I'm spiraling into my doom

I'm feeling half alive but I know one day

You and I will be free,

To live and die by our own rules,

Free..

Despite the fact that men are fools.



I'm almost alive, and I need you to try

And save me.

It's okay that we're dying,

But I need to survive tonight, tonight.



Well excuse me while I get killed softly,

Heart slows down and I can hardly tell you I'm okay

At least 'til yesterday,

You know you got me off my highest guard,

Believe me when I say it's hard.

We'll get through this tonight

And I know one day you and I will be free



To live and die by our own rules,

Free..

Despite the fact that men are fools.



I'm almost alive, and I need you to try

And save me.

It's okay that we're dying,

But I need to survive tonight, tonight.



And you touch my hand ever so slightly

(Girl we're not ready for this yet)

And the deadly look she cast upon me

I won't regret, I won't regret

I won't regret. I won't regret...



And I was trying to disappear,

But you got me wrapped around you

I can hardly breathe without you

I was trying to disappear

But I got lost in your eyes now,

You brought me down to size now.



I'm almost alive

And I need you to try and save me.

It's okay that we're dying

But I need to survive tonight, tonight

Tonight...



I'm almost alive, and I need you to try

And save me.

It's okay that we're dying,

But I need to survive tonight, tonight.

I need to survive tonight, tonight

I LOVE THIS SONG AS WELL SO I THOUGH I WOULD POST IT : ) I THINK IT KIND OF FITS MY MOOD AT THE MOMENT.

anyways my dearest reader. (if i even have one)
"NOW I WILL BE WAITING FOR THE WORLD TO HEAR MY SONG"